I don’t know what came over me, at the moment….I was driving so very fast, way faster than I should of been driving….In the three digits. While it was night time, crying and screaming….like a little baby at the things going on in my life. Then I saw it in my car…that orange little hippo, that little thing…it held so much, for something so small. Memories….feelings…thoughts…and I can’t believe what I did. Part of me regrets it, the other part of me is so happy that I did it. I grabbed the hippo, looked at it and back up to the road that was speeding underneath me. I rolled the window down, and I threw that little hippo as hard as I could, I watched as it hit the asphalt and exploded. Memories, emotions, thoughts….everything shattering.
That one tear, that fell down my cheek as I exited the highway….I have never felt such a surge of relief as I realized that I have begun to let my worries drift away. I can’t say that I don’t care anymore. That would be a lie. I do care. I just choose to ignore the place in my head that I gave you…because you don’t even miss me anyways. Maybe it’s better that way, not being missed….It’s a kind of feeling that you get in your stomach…it’s really hard to explain. I feel invisible but, at the same time, so real. Maybe it’s for the better, that you should replace me as a friend. I wasn’t the right person to be a friend, I wasn’t the right person for anything.
Out of everything that I went through, trying to open your soul, trying to see who you really are. It wasn’t worth it. I knew who you were, I know what everyone is….it’s a harsh reality. I wasted my time thinking you were different…but, you are the same as every other human on this earth, including me.
We all have nothing but self interest in our minds. We care for ourselves not for others.
I have always been a cynic. I will probably continue to be such until I die.